I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we're chasing vodka with high fives
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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