It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize