plz talk dirty to me
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
honey bunches of taint.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
