i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This is my gift to your gina
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
