my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
