based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
