I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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