my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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