I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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