"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
