You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
