I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wish my penis had an off switch
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
