So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
