at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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