youre lurking in front of me
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
