yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
