If that was your dad, he is hot
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
