I have demons in me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
