Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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