I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
