The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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