when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
