i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
