i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
