dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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