seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
