mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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