is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
