do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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