I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
