its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
