Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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