a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
