Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize