there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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