I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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