Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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