I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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