she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
