Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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