did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
