When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
