mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So many bounce houses so little time
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
