Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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