I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Your penis caused this!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
