I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
