I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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