She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize