I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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