If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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