I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
