Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
