I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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