Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize