Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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