swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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