That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
