This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
