No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
