Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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