For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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