Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
