i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
