Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
