nut hugger
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
