dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize