When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
