I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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