have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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