i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
