We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
