sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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