The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
