I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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