using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
