you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
