Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
