I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
