Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
