Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
