What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i believe in u and ur pee
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
