I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
