ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
