im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
