Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
