If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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