I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
