I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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