plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize