Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
