apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Randomize
