Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
