I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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