Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
