Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
