I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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