I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
