So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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