i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
