If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
